Something that's been said
by JanineD
Summary: One-parter. It’s over and Lorelai realizes what she has lost, based on spoilers for 5.14, pls r


Disclaimer: I'd never dare to own anything!

A.N.: Since I can't wait for Tuesday, I had to get this out. I hope you guys like it, and I guess I don't need to say, that I love reviews!

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**Something that's been said**

Upon parking the jeep Lorelai made her way into the house. How she had ever made it home she didn't know. How she had managed to hold herself together on the way home she didn't know. All she knew was that the short drive home from Doose's had never felt so long. Upon entering the house she immediately made her way up the stairs and into her bedroom and without hesitation threw herself on the bed. It was a lot more crashing than throwing herself. Her body practically collapsed, it was like all her strength had left her. She couldn't move, her head was buried in the pillow and the feeling of the pillow pressing against nose and mouth felt good. The suffocation felt good. She didn't want to breathe, she didn't want to think about what just happened, she did not want it to be true. She didn't want to feel like this, she wanted to feel nothing. The lack of air felt good. At least for a few moments before her natural survival instincts told her to move her head and take a breath.

And then it all came back. The hurt, the pain, the anger, the despair. In the course of two days her life had been taken out of her hand and other people had taken charge. Other people had decided for her and she didn't have a say anymore. Other people, or better her mother and Christopher had interfered, had acted against her wishes and had thus broken something she'd never have thought could be so vulnerable.

"_I can't be in this relationship- it's too much!"_

She didn't want to believe it, but it was true. Luke had just said those words to her, a look in his eyes telling her those were his true sentiments, showing her the hurt he had experienced and the hopelessness he had felt that had caused him to say these words. He had meant it, and that was the worst part about it. He had been convinced by all the others, that he wasn't good enough for her, that they didn't belong together. That her parents had been right, that they were never meant to be and that she still belonged to Christopher. She had seen it. It had been there. Right in his eyes. She had never seen him so sad before, so worn out.

What had she done to him?

Why did she have to hurt him so much?

After all, she could have handled things differently. She never should have gone to see Christopher in the first place. Why did she go after all? She had pitied him, had felt bad. He had been through a lot lately and she was the one he had run to so she had felt responsible. Because of their history, because she had loved him once and still cared about him. Yeah, that was the clue, she had loved him. Past tense. She shouldn't have gone there. She wasn't and didn't want to be more than a friend to him.

And even if she had gone, she never should have neglected to tell Luke about it. He was her boyfriend, they were in a relationship, he deserved to know. So why didn't she tell him? Because she felt like she was doing something bad, when she didn't? Because she was afraid of hurting him? Because she was afraid he could be mad at her? She might have made him jealous, but never mad. Oh god, why hadn't she trusted Luke? After all, he had been the only person to be trusted. He was the only one who never let her down, and even Rory had failed on that part. Luke had always been there, he had been in. He had patiently waited for eight years, he had been there whoever she had been with, whatever she had done. He had helped her in everyday life, had given her a loan so she could open the inn, he had always offered an ear for her problems.

And all the things he had done for her during the course of their short relationship. The ice-rink, the meeting the parents, the TV, the horoscope, the Pippi movie, the necklace, the fishing boots… He was definitely good enough for her, maybe even too good.

Her parents had never seen that though. They had always just looked at the material things, the income, the occupation. They had cared about his schooling, his friends, his clothes. They had never seen what he was really like and what he did for her. Lorelai should have shown them. She should have stood up for him from the beginning. She should have told them that he was the pillar she could hold on to, that he had always been there, had always cared. That he had been there for Rory even though she wasn't his child, that he would do anything for them. She should have told her mother, she should have showed her everything.

She should have fought for him. But she didn't. She never thought it could happen, but she let other people break up her relationship. And the worst thing about it was, that she had just watched. She couldn't really tell Christopher off, she couldn't tell him to get away in front of Luke, she couldn't say anything when Christopher said that she belonged to him even tough she felt deep in her heart that that was untrue. She had stood there, frozen in shock. When she realized Luke was gone she couldn't move past her stupid cousin to follow him, to stop him and tell him that whatever her mother or Christopher thought was unimportant, because she thought differently and that was really what counted.

It was too late now. Telling him all of this wouldn't help. It was too late, she should have done it in the first place. They were broken up, Luke didn't want to be with her anymore.

Realization hit hard. It was like someone was now pressing against her body in the attempt to crush her. Suffocation didn't feel good anymore. The first tears started to fall and knowing she could never fight them Lorelai let herself cry, cry until she was in sobs, cry until she couldn't stop anymore. Cry, because she had lost Luke. She loved Luke and she had lost him. She had lost Luke.

Lorelai's sobbing wouldn't stop and she had given up trying to make it stop. It was ruined. All of her anger had faded. She didn't think about her mother or Chris anymore. All what she could think about was, that she had lost Luke, that Luke and her weren't together anymore, that she didn't know how to go on without him.

God she loved him. She had never realized until now. It hurt so much, knowing he had given up on her and there was nothing she could do.

After all, she thought, he could have been the one.

Suddenly, the phone rang. At first Lorelai didn't move. She didn't want to talk to anybody, felt too weak to even pick up the cordless that was lying on her night stand. But then an idea shot into her head: What if it was Luke? She didn't know where she got the strength from, but she lifted herself up and looked at the phone only to be disappointed because it was showing a familiar number but not Luke's. She picked it up nevertheless still sobbing, hardly even able to mouth a few words:

"Rory, can you come home?"……

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